Caller: Hi. I'm a computer repair technician working on a customer of yours machine. It is giving me an error that the name and password are incorrect.
Me: What are you typing in for the name?
Caller: (gives wrong username even though the username is actually the customers name)
Me: We do not show that username on our system. We do have one that is spelled this way though (gives correct username which is customers name)
Caller: Oh, let me check (caller tells customer how we have her name spelled, which she confirms is correct). Ok we will try that. Thanks.
----10 minutes later ----
Caller: Hi. I'm a computer repair technician working on a customer of yours machine. It is giving me an error that the name and password are incorrect. Someone there just told me what it is but it doesn't work
Me: ok how did you spell the username?
Caller: well the username is spelled right but I cant save the password.
Me: why not?
Caller: well this is my 3rd time through the set up wizard and it keeps telling me I cannot finish the setup because a connection with that name already exists and I should pick a different name. I don't know what that means
Me: It means you already set up a connection the first time and used a connection name and now you can't set up another one with teh same name
Caller: I dont understand
Me: That connection name already exists, you cant just keep returning to the wizard and making the same file name over and over. You already made it once. So you have to pick a different name for it or probably easiest is to stop using the wizrd, find the connection you did make, and just retype the name and password.
Caller: ok we will try that.
Thursday, December 17, 2009
Thursday, November 5, 2009
All the sudden the words went away.
Below is an actual help desk call for WordPerfect Support. This guy should of been promoted instead of fired.
Help Desk: "Ridge Hall computer assistant; may I help you?"
Customer: "Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect."
Help Desk: "What sort of trouble?"
Customer: "Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away."
Help Desk: "Went away?"
Customer: "They disappeared."
Help Desk: "Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?"
Customer: "Nothing."
Help Desk: "Nothing?"
Customer: "It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type."
Help Desk: "Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out?"
Customer: "How do I tell?"
Help Desk: "Can you see the "C" prompt on the screen?"
Customer: "What's a sea-prompt?"
Help Desk: "Never mind. Can you move the cursor around on the screen?"
Customer: "There isn't any cursor: I told you, it won't accept anything I type."
Help Desk: "Does your monitor have a power indicator?"
Customer: "What's a monitor?"
Help Desk: "It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it have a little light that tells you when it's on?"
Customer: "I don't know."
Help Desk: "Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that?"
Customer: "...Yes, I think so."
Help Desk: "Great! Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged into the wall."
Customer: "...Yes, it is."
Help Desk: "When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one?"
Customer: "No."
Help Desk: "Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable."
Customer: "...Okay, here it is."
Help Desk: "Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into the back of your computer."
Customer: "I can't reach."
Help Desk: "Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is?"
Customer: "No."
Help Desk: "Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over?"
Customer: "Oh, it's not because I don't have the right angle-it's because it's dark."
Help Desk: "Dark?"
Customer: "Yes-the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window."
Help Desk: "Well, turn on the office light then."
Customer: "I can't."
Help Desk: "No? Why not?"
Customer: "Because there's a power outage."
Help Desk: "A power... a power outage? Aha! Okay, we've got it licked now. Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your compute came in?"
Customer: "Well, yes, I keep them in the closet."
Help Desk: "Good! Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from."
Customer: "Really? Is it that bad?"
Help Desk: "Yes, I'm afraid it is."
Customer: "Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them?"
Help Desk: "Tell them you're too stupid to own a computer."
Help Desk: "Ridge Hall computer assistant; may I help you?"
Customer: "Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect."
Help Desk: "What sort of trouble?"
Customer: "Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away."
Help Desk: "Went away?"
Customer: "They disappeared."
Help Desk: "Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?"
Customer: "Nothing."
Help Desk: "Nothing?"
Customer: "It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type."
Help Desk: "Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out?"
Customer: "How do I tell?"
Help Desk: "Can you see the "C" prompt on the screen?"
Customer: "What's a sea-prompt?"
Help Desk: "Never mind. Can you move the cursor around on the screen?"
Customer: "There isn't any cursor: I told you, it won't accept anything I type."
Help Desk: "Does your monitor have a power indicator?"
Customer: "What's a monitor?"
Help Desk: "It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it have a little light that tells you when it's on?"
Customer: "I don't know."
Help Desk: "Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that?"
Customer: "...Yes, I think so."
Help Desk: "Great! Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged into the wall."
Customer: "...Yes, it is."
Help Desk: "When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one?"
Customer: "No."
Help Desk: "Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable."
Customer: "...Okay, here it is."
Help Desk: "Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into the back of your computer."
Customer: "I can't reach."
Help Desk: "Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is?"
Customer: "No."
Help Desk: "Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over?"
Customer: "Oh, it's not because I don't have the right angle-it's because it's dark."
Help Desk: "Dark?"
Customer: "Yes-the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window."
Help Desk: "Well, turn on the office light then."
Customer: "I can't."
Help Desk: "No? Why not?"
Customer: "Because there's a power outage."
Help Desk: "A power... a power outage? Aha! Okay, we've got it licked now. Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your compute came in?"
Customer: "Well, yes, I keep them in the closet."
Help Desk: "Good! Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from."
Customer: "Really? Is it that bad?"
Help Desk: "Yes, I'm afraid it is."
Customer: "Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them?"
Help Desk: "Tell them you're too stupid to own a computer."
Wednesday, November 4, 2009
The invisible start button
Tech Support: "I need you to click on the 'Start' button.
Customer: "Where is that?"
Tech Support: "It's on the bottom left hand corner of your screen."
Customer: "..."
Tech Support: "Did you find it?"
Customer: "Ahhh.... No. I don't see it."
Tech Support: "Look closely at your screen. In the bottom...left...corner."
Customer: "I don't see it. I only see button that says 'Control'."
Tech Support: "No ma'am, that's on the keyboard. The 'Start' button is on the bottom left corner of your screen. You know, the monitor. The thing that looks like a TV."
Customer: "Aaahhhh, yes!!! Ok."
Tech Support: "..."
Customer: "..."
Tech Support: "Well, did you find it?"
Customer: "No. I still only see 'Control'."
Customer: "Where is that?"
Tech Support: "It's on the bottom left hand corner of your screen."
Customer: "..."
Tech Support: "Did you find it?"
Customer: "Ahhh.... No. I don't see it."
Tech Support: "Look closely at your screen. In the bottom...left...corner."
Customer: "I don't see it. I only see button that says 'Control'."
Tech Support: "No ma'am, that's on the keyboard. The 'Start' button is on the bottom left corner of your screen. You know, the monitor. The thing that looks like a TV."
Customer: "Aaahhhh, yes!!! Ok."
Tech Support: "..."
Customer: "..."
Tech Support: "Well, did you find it?"
Customer: "No. I still only see 'Control'."
Tuesday, November 3, 2009
Customer Support is not half machine
Tech Support: "Thank you for calling. May I have your phone number beginning with area code first, please?"
There was a pregnant pause, then a series of touch tones.
Tech Support: "Hello? I need your phone number, please."
More touch tones.
Tech Support: "Hi, can you hear me?"
Customer: "Yes."
Tech Support: "Great, then can you please tell me your phone number so I can pull up your file?"
More touch tones.
Tech Support: "Sir, what's your name?"
Customer: [name]
Tech Support: "Great, now can you tell me your phone number?"
Touch tones again.
Tech Support: "Please, tell me your phone number."
Customer: "Again?"
Tech Support: "Yes sir, if you don't mind, but can you please just tell me verbally?"
Touch tones yet again.
Tech Support: "Sir, contrary to popular opinion, support is not half machine. I'll need you to verbally tell me your phone number with your mouth so I can bring up your account info, got it?"
Customer: "You people are rude as well as incompetent."
Click.
There was a pregnant pause, then a series of touch tones.
Tech Support: "Hello? I need your phone number, please."
More touch tones.
Customer: "Yes."
Tech Support: "Great, then can you please tell me your phone number so I can pull up your file?"
More touch tones.
Tech Support: "Sir, what's your name?"
Customer: [name]
Tech Support: "Great, now can you tell me your phone number?"
Touch tones again.
Tech Support: "Please, tell me your phone number."
Customer: "Again?"
Tech Support: "Yes sir, if you don't mind, but can you please just tell me verbally?"
Touch tones yet again.
Tech Support: "Sir, contrary to popular opinion, support is not half machine. I'll need you to verbally tell me your phone number with your mouth so I can bring up your account info, got it?"
Customer: "You people are rude as well as incompetent."
Click.
Your phone number if you please?
Tech Support: "Can I get your phone number starting with the area code?"
Customer: "You don't have it?"
Tech Support: "No I don't, but could I get it from you?"
Customer: "Ok, but I don't think my modem is working."
Tech Support: "No, could you please tell it to me verbally."
Customer: "Is that what the 'V' in my 'PB24DBFV' is?"
Tech Support: "Sort of, but could you just say your phone number over the phone now?"
Customer: "Ooohhhh, ok..."
Customer: "You don't have it?"
Tech Support: "No I don't, but could I get it from you?"
Customer: "Ok, but I don't think my modem is working."
Tech Support: "No, could you please tell it to me verbally."
Customer: "Is that what the 'V' in my 'PB24DBFV' is?"
Tech Support: "Sort of, but could you just say your phone number over the phone now?"
Customer: "Ooohhhh, ok..."
Monday, November 2, 2009
Error 691 but it works.
Customer: Hi, im having problems with my internet, i am getting error 691.
Help Desk: ok, it sounds like a username and password issue. are you in front of the computer now?
Customer: no, im at work. i have been trying to call you all morning but no one was answering.
Help Desk: well we do not open until 9am
Customer: well i wasnt told that, so how do i fix this?
Help Desk: i need someone sitting in front of the computer so I can walk them through the settings.
Customer (not to me): hey, can you grab my cell phone and call my daughter, i need her in front of the computer
Friend: she isnt answering, should I call her cell phone
Customer (to me): well she might not be home so we are gonna try her cell phone
Help Desk: how about she just call me when she is home and in front of the computer?
Customer: it will only take a minute for us to call her cell and get her home and then if you tell me what to do I will tell her.
Help Desk: That really wont work, how about she just call us?
Customer: ok, fine. I will have her call you when i get a hold of her
----- 5 hours later customer walks in to our old building address demanding help. they tell her she is in the wrong building. She keeps asking questions about billing. They repeat she is in the wrong building. She asks more questions about error 691. They repeat that she is in the wrong building for help ---
Customer (now at proper counter to counter rep): I have a question about my billing, what is the cost of unlimited access?
Counter Rep: 19.95 per month
Customer: thats not what I pay now, I have 30 hour and pay the newspaper for it on one bill.
Counter Rep: well how much do you pay now?
Customer: I dont know, thats why I came in.
Counter Rep: how about I hand you the phone and you can call billing and find out.
Customer (to circulation billing): I am getting error 691 on my internet. whats wrong
Circulation: you need to speak with the internet service for that.
--- customer never asks them about the rates for unlimited or what she is paying now ---
Customer (transferred to me sitting behind the counter 10 feet away from her): Im getting error 691, whats wrong?
Help Desk: sounds like a setting problem. if you call us while sitting in front of the computer we would gladly help you.
Customer: oh! well see it works fine now, but it didn't this morning and my daughter got home and tried it and now it works
Help Desk: ok?
Customer: so why am I getting that error?
Help Desk: if you are still getting the error, call us when you are sitting in front of the computer and we can try to fix it
Customer: well it works now so I wont worry about it.
Customer hangs up phone and walks out the door.
Help Desk: ok, it sounds like a username and password issue. are you in front of the computer now?
Customer: no, im at work. i have been trying to call you all morning but no one was answering.
Help Desk: well we do not open until 9am
Customer: well i wasnt told that, so how do i fix this?
Help Desk: i need someone sitting in front of the computer so I can walk them through the settings.
Customer (not to me): hey, can you grab my cell phone and call my daughter, i need her in front of the computer
Friend: she isnt answering, should I call her cell phone
Customer (to me): well she might not be home so we are gonna try her cell phone
Help Desk: how about she just call me when she is home and in front of the computer?
Customer: it will only take a minute for us to call her cell and get her home and then if you tell me what to do I will tell her.
Help Desk: That really wont work, how about she just call us?
Customer: ok, fine. I will have her call you when i get a hold of her
----- 5 hours later customer walks in to our old building address demanding help. they tell her she is in the wrong building. She keeps asking questions about billing. They repeat she is in the wrong building. She asks more questions about error 691. They repeat that she is in the wrong building for help ---
Customer (now at proper counter to counter rep): I have a question about my billing, what is the cost of unlimited access?
Counter Rep: 19.95 per month
Customer: thats not what I pay now, I have 30 hour and pay the newspaper for it on one bill.
Counter Rep: well how much do you pay now?
Customer: I dont know, thats why I came in.
Counter Rep: how about I hand you the phone and you can call billing and find out.
Customer (to circulation billing): I am getting error 691 on my internet. whats wrong
Circulation: you need to speak with the internet service for that.
--- customer never asks them about the rates for unlimited or what she is paying now ---
Customer (transferred to me sitting behind the counter 10 feet away from her): Im getting error 691, whats wrong?
Help Desk: sounds like a setting problem. if you call us while sitting in front of the computer we would gladly help you.
Customer: oh! well see it works fine now, but it didn't this morning and my daughter got home and tried it and now it works
Help Desk: ok?
Customer: so why am I getting that error?
Help Desk: if you are still getting the error, call us when you are sitting in front of the computer and we can try to fix it
Customer: well it works now so I wont worry about it.
Customer hangs up phone and walks out the door.
Sunday, November 1, 2009
Phishing for Fish
We just sent out an email regarding the fact that a phishing scam was going around trying to pretend to be our ISP and trying to get personal information from customers.
Customer: I just got your email about the phishing scam
Me: ok?
Customer: well in your message it says that the email shows there is a link to click on for the scam and not to click on it
Me: ok?
Customer: well your email doesnt have a link in it
Me: ok?
Customer: I see the paragraph stating that the scam letter contains a link but your email doesn't show the link so I can click on it. Since there is no link there to click on in your email, how am i supposed to click on it to know what I am not supposed to click on?
Me: Because you aren't supposed to go to the link, so we didn't put it in our email. We didn't want to give out the link because we don't want people to click on it.
Customer: well that makes no sense but ok, I wont click on it even though you didnt send it to me. Thanks!
Customer: I just got your email about the phishing scam
Me: ok?
Customer: well in your message it says that the email shows there is a link to click on for the scam and not to click on it
Me: ok?
Customer: well your email doesnt have a link in it
Me: ok?
Customer: I see the paragraph stating that the scam letter contains a link but your email doesn't show the link so I can click on it. Since there is no link there to click on in your email, how am i supposed to click on it to know what I am not supposed to click on?
Me: Because you aren't supposed to go to the link, so we didn't put it in our email. We didn't want to give out the link because we don't want people to click on it.
Customer: well that makes no sense but ok, I wont click on it even though you didnt send it to me. Thanks!
Friday, October 30, 2009
I dont want to pay for it today
Customer: I received your notice about my free email service expiring soon and it becoming paid
Me: Alright....
Customer: I want to go ahead and keep it and the email said I should call you about payment. I already emailed back asking to keep the address.
Me: sure. So you are wanting to go ahead and pay today?
Customer: No, i want to be billed for it. But your email said "thank you for emailing...blah blah blah.....contac
Me: So you want to pay for it by mailing in a payment when it expires next month?
Customer: no, I want to pay for it by credit card
Me: Alright, so you do want to pay for it today?
Customer: NO. Again, I'm not sure you are hearing me. Your email said to call you at any time so I am calling you.
Me: Well if you already emailed us telling us you want to continue service, it will bill you when it expires.You do not have to do anything else right now.
Customer: But I want to pay with a credit card and your email said to call any time.
Me: You of course can call any time. If you are calling today to pay by credit card we would be happy to charge it today so you have a credit on your account.
Customer: No I don't want it charged today.
Me: well what would you like me to do for you today?
Customer: Your email said to call any time....
Me: YES, it did say that. See, when you want to pay for service.... if NOT today...... then you call us on THAT day that you DO want to pay and give us a credit card. Then on whatever day you call, we will charge it.
Customer: OHHHHHHH, I get it now. Nevermind. I will call you when I want to pay for it. Thanks.
Me: Alright....
Customer: I want to go ahead and keep it and the email said I should call you about payment. I already emailed back asking to keep the address.
Me: sure. So you are wanting to go ahead and pay today?
Customer: No, i want to be billed for it. But your email said "thank you for emailing...blah blah blah.....contac
Me: So you want to pay for it by mailing in a payment when it expires next month?
Customer: no, I want to pay for it by credit card
Me: Alright, so you do want to pay for it today?
Customer: NO. Again, I'm not sure you are hearing me. Your email said to call you at any time so I am calling you.
Me: Well if you already emailed us telling us you want to continue service, it will bill you when it expires.You do not have to do anything else right now.
Customer: But I want to pay with a credit card and your email said to call any time.
Me: You of course can call any time. If you are calling today to pay by credit card we would be happy to charge it today so you have a credit on your account.
Customer: No I don't want it charged today.
Me: well what would you like me to do for you today?
Customer: Your email said to call any time....
Me: YES, it did say that. See, when you want to pay for service.... if NOT today...... then you call us on THAT day that you DO want to pay and give us a credit card. Then on whatever day you call, we will charge it.
Customer: OHHHHHHH, I get it now. Nevermind. I will call you when I want to pay for it. Thanks.
Faster Internet Please
Customer: I saw your ad for the special and I want to know what speed your internet is?
Me: Well we don't have high speed, only dial up
Customer: so what speed will I get?
Me: well it isn't high speed, so whatever your dial up modem and phone line are capable of connecting at.
Customer: So what speed will I get?
Me: anywhere between 20k and 50k. We don't have high speed, only dial up.
Customer: well I get 45k with my current ISP, so what do you have that is faster?
Me: We don't have high speed, we only have dial up
Customer: But I need something faster, what else do you offer?
Me: This is all we have, you can't get anything faster with us
Customer: fine (hangs up)
Me: Well we don't have high speed, only dial up
Customer: so what speed will I get?
Me: well it isn't high speed, so whatever your dial up modem and phone line are capable of connecting at.
Customer: So what speed will I get?
Me: anywhere between 20k and 50k. We don't have high speed, only dial up.
Customer: well I get 45k with my current ISP, so what do you have that is faster?
Me: We don't have high speed, we only have dial up
Customer: But I need something faster, what else do you offer?
Me: This is all we have, you can't get anything faster with us
Customer: fine (hangs up)
Wednesday, October 28, 2009
What's my email address again?
Customer: I can't remember my email address.
Me: its (insert email address here)
Customer: well it doesn't work, can you send me emails to make sure?
Me: You know you can compose a message and send it to yourself at any time to test your settings.
Customer: ok thanks
--hang up--
Logged in to customers email and sent a test message from his account back to it to verify it does in fact work for both sending and receiving.
....5 minutes later
Customer: I called earlier and I cant get my email. You said I could add myself to my contact list but I'm having problems
Me: You do not have to add yourself to your address book, simply open a new message and type in your address
Customer: I don't know how to so that, can't you? This isn't working and I can't get email.
Me: I already sent you a test email and you even had other emails on the system so your account is fine
Customer/Angry: Well it does NOT work for me
Me: What error do you get when you hit the Send and Receive button at the top?
Customer (clicking button): Oh never-mind, it works, thanks.
Me: its (insert email address here)
Customer: well it doesn't work, can you send me emails to make sure?
Me: You know you can compose a message and send it to yourself at any time to test your settings.
Customer: ok thanks
--hang up--
Logged in to customers email and sent a test message from his account back to it to verify it does in fact work for both sending and receiving.
....5 minutes later
Customer: I called earlier and I cant get my email. You said I could add myself to my contact list but I'm having problems
Me: You do not have to add yourself to your address book, simply open a new message and type in your address
Customer: I don't know how to so that, can't you? This isn't working and I can't get email.
Me: I already sent you a test email and you even had other emails on the system so your account is fine
Customer/Angry: Well it does NOT work for me
Me: What error do you get when you hit the Send and Receive button at the top?
Customer (clicking button): Oh never-mind, it works, thanks.
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